Said jokes

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."