Said Jokes

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........