Said jokes

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.