Said jokes

You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So it could get to the other side!

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"