Said jokes

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

Someone on here said it previously:

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

When the doctor saw this, he said,

"From Type 2 Diabetes!"

Get it?

A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"

The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"

The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

"1v1," said Kobe. LeBron James says, "Ok, bet," and bet the money. Bro, ok, let's get it."

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.