Said jokes

You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?

Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

"My sister said she was the only smart one in the class."

"What about the teacher you learn *from*?"

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

An apple walked into the clinic.

The doctor asked what his favorite color was.

The apple said "red." :)

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"