Said jokes

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.