Said jokes

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

I like tacos more than you like tacos.

Who likes more tacos?

Mee! said the taco.

So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

So when Kim Kardashian went into the ocean, the lifeguard said, "No plastic littering!"

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

A bee said to his naughty son, "Honey, stop bee-ing abnormal and bee positive!"

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."