Said jokes

President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."

That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."