Said jokes

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

What did the pickle do on the road?

It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"

What does the door say to the doorbell?

The door said: "You dingus!"

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?

"Hey BrO!"

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"