Said jokes

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Whoever said that about me better pray!

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?

"Hey BrO!"

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”