Said jokes

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

What does the door say to the doorbell?

The door said: "You dingus!"

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”