Safety jokes
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
If at first you don’t succeed... then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.