Safety jokes
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
Memes
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.