What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage
Priest: How the hell did that fire start Rabbi: I don't know but what about the children? Priest: Fuck the children Rabbi: Do we have time? Priest: There's always time for something like that.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. Thats the third one this week and its only monday
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures? Because they hate their lives and want to die.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
A boy asked his dad for a some money to buy an ice-cream with. So he went to an icecream van. Whilst he was in the queue 2 boys asked him what flavour he was getting he told them strawberry. The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The icecream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice-cream for free. When he got home his dad also asked what flavour he bought the boy said strawberry. His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy confused walked down the street and was stopped buy the police who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice-cream. The boy said thats me and the policeman arrested him. A week later in court the boy was on trial. The judge asked, ''can you tell me what were you doing on the fith of may''(the day he was arrested) the boy said I was eatimg ice-cream. Yhe judge decided he was innocent. On the way out the judge asked him what the flavour was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course he answered with strawberry the judge horrified realised he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately he couldn't change what had happened so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died. The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road
my friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road? A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Where do pedofiles do when they wake up
Turn on the child safety lock on the car
Q. What’s a good thing about a child molesters A. They drive slow through school zones
