Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Why drink water and not bleach?
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
