Roast jokes
Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.
Student: Sorry to hear.
Teacher: Is anyone missing today?
Student: Your parents.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.