Roast jokes

"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"

You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.

I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!