Roast jokes

Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.

Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.

You built like you in the 1980's!

You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.

Take a few steps back like your hairline.

Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.

You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.

Yo momma so dumb, she got kicked off the short bus.

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

Your hairline is so far back, a pilot thought it was an airplane.

"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"

You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.

I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.