Roast jokes

I feel sorry that your hairline deployed from war with your forehead.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

Hey... you kind of a sussy baka 😍😍🥵🥺🥰

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

Butthole.

I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.