Roast jokes

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!

Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members.

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

"No towers? :("

"No queen? :("

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!

This town ain't big enough for the one of you.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

I just roast all of your chins because I don't know which is uglier.