Roast jokes

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Joe Mama is so fat that when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPod.

Hey... you kind of a sussy baka 😍😍🥵🥺🥰

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

Roses are red, colors are blue, if I was you, I'd look like you.

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.