Roast jokes
I love balls, bro. So do you.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
Your hairline goes so far back, the dinosaurs saw it before you did.
At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."
Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.
2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.