Roast jokes

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

You like bread toasted? That means you're roasted.

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

I love balls, bro. So do you.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.

Your hairline goes so far back, the dinosaurs saw it before you did.

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!