Road jokes
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
Why did the Dad cross the road?
To get the milk.
Pokemon: Why did the Miltank cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?