Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
Why did the Dad cross the road?
To get the milk.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?
Rainbow road.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence to children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why did sally cross the road? She didn’t wear her seatbelt
