Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
What is long, yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^
What’s big and black on the road?
Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
Answer: Because it’s a scaredy-cat.
