Road jokes
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Memes
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
What is long, yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
Chuck Norris sent the chicken back across the road.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.