Road jokes
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.
The British: We drive on the left side of the road.
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.