Road jokes
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.