Road jokes
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Why did ze cow cross the road?
yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.
What did the rapper say to the traffic jam?
"Move over, I'm about to drop some FIRE!"
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
Why did the chickens cross the road?
To get to KFC.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Why did a cop in the 1960s cross the road? To arrest a faggot for cross-dressing.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.