Road jokes
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because he wanted to. :) :) :)
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.