Road jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because he wanted to. :) :) :)
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.
Memes
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.