Riddles
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
What's yellow, slimy, and smells like bananas?
Monkey puke.
What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood.