How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
