Religion jokes
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Your mama is so ugly.
The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.