Religion jokes
A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.