Religion jokes
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
Stephen Hawking only went to hell because he couldn't get up the stairway to heaven.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
What is another word for Arab man who is a Palestinian Muslim?
Palestinian masseur.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.