What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
âRomans 8:15-16
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
Wanna hear a joke? :Jesus being real
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest from a zit, one waits until your twelve to come on your face.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
God: âStephen join usâ *sees the staircase to heaven*. Stephen: âshitâ
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
There is no god. None, not one.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
Guys, we gotta stop telling these jokes. They are getting out of h- oh wait no .... Continue.
Yo daddy so stupid, he threw a Fatherâs Day party at the orphanage.
What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? Letâs us prey.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
