Religion jokes
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Memes
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
ICH BIN GOTT.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.