Religion jokes

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

The priest had a very holy shirt.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "father."

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

What does McDonald's and priests have in common?

They put their meat inside 10 year olds.

Hi! Could I join?

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?

They're both full of child groomers.

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

A: They both love naughty souls.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

How does Moses brew his coffee?

He brews it.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

Why do orphans like going to church?

Because they actually get to say "father" for once.