Religion jokes
ICH BIN GOTT.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What did the 3-year-old boy say to the priest?
"My bum hurts."
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
The priest had a very holy shirt.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.