Religion jokes
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
Why do orphans pray to God?
So they have someone to call father.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What's your religion?
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.
Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!
What do u call a Muslim praying: Allahu akbar.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.