Religion jokes
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
What's the difference between acne and the Pope?
Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.