Religion jokes
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.