Religion jokes
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
What kind of book does cheese read at a church?
The Hole-y Bible.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.
Just to ask the other guy.
Talk about a male supremacist religion.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.