Religion jokes
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise? Cross fit.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
Stephen Hawking said there is no god.
God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.