Religion jokes
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?
A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage? "Let us prey together."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.