Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
