Religion jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Memes
Did Mary Have a Little Lamb?
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."