Religion jokes

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

Why do nuns not wear bras?

God supports everything.

Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

How does Moses make his cup of tea?

He brews it.

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

How come I have a father but not a dad?

He was a priest.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."