Religion jokes
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.