Religion jokes
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.