Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
