Religion jokes
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.