Religion jokes
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!