Religion jokes
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
Memes
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.