Religion jokes
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Memes
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.