Religion jokes
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.