Your mom jokes

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.