Religion jokes
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
Jesus has a twisted humor.
kittens cute cuddly and loveable oh yeah, I almost forgot, add razors that stick out [of] their feet.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*