Religion jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

God's racist. He separated light from dark.

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.