Religion jokes
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."