Religion jokes
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
I have a nun joke! It is nun-ya business!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
Memes
I don't have a joke about Christianity.
I don't want to get crucified.
A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.
Bust it open for Jesus!
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Should I burn heaven?
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Why Satan didn't stop sending messages to God about hell?
'Cause they made a juice out of him.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!