Religion jokes

What did God say to the good shepherd?

Nothing.

Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?

He heard that little boy's pants were half off.

I once put the Bible in the fiction section.

Why do orphans like going to church?

They can actually call someone "father."

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

God bless the shooting that happened.

God is good. God is great.

Priests are priests.

Yo mama so OLD...

Her first Christmas... WAS the FIRST CHRISTMAS!

Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

How do gay guys finish prayer?

“GAYMEN!”

The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.

Why don't skeletons play music at the church?

Because they don't have any organs.

I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.

Allahu Akbar.

The Flanders Song

God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

"Leave me alone!"

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Science gets you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.