Religion jokes

I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.

Allahu Akbar.

The Flanders Song

God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

"Leave me alone!"

Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.

"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Science gets you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.

Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.

Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.

What does a priest and a male homosexual have in common?

They both like to suck a big cock inside the men's locker room at the gym.

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.

What's the difference between a priest and a rapist?

Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.

Why did Saturn have rings?

Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.