Religion jokes

Why are Muslims terrible at football?

Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.

Why did God make the devils die?

God is great!

What do McDonalds and priests both do?

They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.

Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.

Why did Aaron slit his wrists?

Because it's him.

Why do Indian men prefer fat women?

Because they worship cows.

[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”

Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”

God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”

Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?

Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.

Why did Technoblade die?

Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.

What is God’s favorite candy?

Jesus Pieces.

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"

Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.

God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.

What is God's favorite planet?

Saturn because it has a ring around it.

What do you call a retarded Catholic?

Asperges.

Why can Jesus walk on water?

Because rubbish floats.

How do you kill a Catholic?

Crucify them...

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.