Religion jokes
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Do y'all love God?
What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?
CHEESE-US!
Q: What do you call a religious Wookie?
A: Jewbacca.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
Allahu Akbar.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
What has 15 arms, 9 legs, 8 heads, and 12 eyeballs?
A mosque after a missile strike.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.