Religion jokes
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"