Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the devil read the Bible.
Religion Jokes
God creates a mosquito :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.
Angel: weird... but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: .-.
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
What did the racist Catholic priest say?
"Martin Luther? Not my king!"
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.
What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 🚽 toilet water.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
