Religion jokes

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?

An AK-BAR 47.

My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".

What do you call a Muslim bee?

Habibee.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

Who betrayed Cheesus Christ?

Goudas.

Where do religious kids practice sports?

In the prayground.

Stephen Hawking said there is no God.

2018 God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

I think that church is super burning 🥵.

Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?

What's the difference between a priest and customer service?

At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."