Religion jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!

Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.

In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

I think that church is super burning 🥵.

Why is the elephant headed God the true God?

Because he doesn't exist!

Stephen Hawking said there is no God.

2018 God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?

Faithbook!

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.

Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?

Computers don’t really have a specific religion.

What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?

They both choose who they want.

What was Jesus scared of the most?

Snails.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

If Jesus had a gun, what would it be? A nail gun.

God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.

Hitler: Kills himself.

What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The face you make when you nail them.

Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.