Religion jokes

Muslim furries like goats.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.

Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?

A Christian.

Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

How do you know you are blessed by God?

You don’t laugh at, make light of, or enjoy the evils and suffering people are inflicting on themselves and upon each other.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?

Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

"Oops, I made a mistake."

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."