Religion jokes
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he gets to call someone father.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 🚽 toilet water.
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.