Religion jokes
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the airport.
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!
PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
Stephen Hawking said there is no god.
God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?