Religion jokes

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

Why do orphans go to church?

Why?

To finally call someone "father."

Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the airport.

Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!

Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...

Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?

Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?

They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.

Stephen Hawking said there is no god.

God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

Why can Jesus walk on water?

Because rubbish floats.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"