Religion jokes
I think that church is super burning 🥵.
I think that church is boring.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Religion
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"