Religion jokes
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!
If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?
That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Who was the first carpenter?
Eve, she made Adam's banana stand...
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Priest
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.