Religion jokes
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the devil read the Bible.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."