Religion jokes
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What is Jesus' favorite band?
Nine Inch Nails.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.