Religion jokes
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
Electricity.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the devil read the Bible.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.