New Religion Jokes - Page 53 - Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between whores and nuns?

Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

Bull In Book Lacking Evidence

Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.