Religion jokes

When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?

Angel food cake! 🎂🥳

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.

What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.

Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.