After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
