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Religion jokes

What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

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    • What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?

    One is Catholic and the other is a priest.

    Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

    Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

    At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

    What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

    They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

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    • A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

    Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

    What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.

    Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

    In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.

    In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂

    This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”