Relationship jokes
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.