Relationship jokes
That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
My wife
drew here freshfry you are almost deadfry! I forgive you, just don't do it again. You know what I am talking about!
Is that a mirror in your pocket?
'Cause I can see myself in your pants.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
If two feminazis are carpet munchers, which one in the lesbian relationship cooks?
They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy 😋 🤪 😌 😏 😜 👍 👍 👌 👌 👏 🏆 🥇 💭 🤔 😮 😁 😊 😃 😄 👌 😍 🥰 ☺️
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."
Incest.
When your genealogy chart is a straight line.