Relationship jokes

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.