Relationship Jokes

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

The image shows a conversation in a game of Among Us where a blue character accuses a red character of being sus for taking too long to reply. A red character then replies, "Still faster than your crush's reply." Below the chat are four stone figures with shocked facial expressions.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."