Relationship jokes

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.