Relationship jokes

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?

They have no one to call "daddy."

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨