Relationship jokes
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"