Relationship jokes

Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?

Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Why did the ocean break up with the pond?

Because the pond was too shallow.