Relationship jokes
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.