Relationship

Relationship jokes

Dick

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

Speed Limit

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

Suicide

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Memes

Pond

Why did the ocean break up with the pond?

Because the pond was too shallow.

Marriage

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

Pimp

What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?

Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.

Babe

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

Morning

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Bowling Ball

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Sex

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Wife

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

Girlfriend

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Sex

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

Nickname

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok