Relationship jokes

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.