Why can't orphans have friends
They will stay together
Evan this is mya and your mom told me u were adopted so we are done bye don’t talk to me
A wife asks her husband: am I pretty or ugly? The husband awnsers her: pretty. The wife responds: thank yo- The husband interrupts her: PRETTY UGLY!
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up
my wife accused me of cheating I told her she started to sound like my wife
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between
People when you lover cheats on you do this!
1. start a conversation 2 say "whats that smell" 3. They will smell around 4. Say omg it's a b**** and walk away and ignore them
Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died it’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
What do your BF and the twin towers have in common?
They both never get erect
sometimes women are like bad snacks people try them and then chucks them in the trash
Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was ur mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
love is like a fart if you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany. HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
a girl and a boy were on a date, the boy kept farting. the girl asked, What Is Wrong?!?!the boy replied, "explosive diareah." the girl said ew.
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. the center of the explosion, the bathroom.
I asked my now ex boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat so yeah 😂)
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one but relise she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Don’t do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
