Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
Relationship Jokes
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
