Relationship jokes

Child: I am hungry.

Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!

Child: *groans* *walks away*

Me and your mom in the bed.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

What do you call an octopus whose father left?

An octopie.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

What do women and dog turds have in common?

The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

Just cum.