Relationship jokes

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

Roses are red,

Potatoes are brown,

Your mom's so hot,

I put her down.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

Are you mixed? Cuz you're half fine, half mine 😏

Q: Why are lesbians bad at math?

A: Because they can't multiply.

What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?

Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.