Relationship jokes

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?

A: A family portrait.

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.

Some girls are like rocks.

You skip the flat ones.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"