Relationship jokes

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family portrait.

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.