Mia: I'm Preganant Again Paul I Can't wait for you to come home. Paul: I Got a Tree to Hit on the Way
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off? they can't stand to see a man have a good time
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy.
Gutted rn...the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does...man...
one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube
my sister was hitting on my boyfriend im 11 shes 9 she said go f.ck ur self so i said : "ok thanks for the idea"
What's the hardest part about sex with a thai girl?
Her, probably
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick: I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's 🤣
If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me....
I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
wife: stop telling rape jokes, its not funny. husband: who raped you this morning?
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, its a nice day, do you have any plans on what your going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Why doesn't Hellen Kellers boyfriend like having sex with her? Cause she just lies there lime she's dead.
Why did the skeleton want a friend cus he was feeling bonely
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between
Had an amazing night with this girl woke up and it was my aunt now I’m inlove
sometimes women are like bad snacks people try them and then chucks them in the trash
