Relationship jokes

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.