Relationship jokes

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What do tampons and your sister have in common?

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.