Relationship jokes
Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
Your mom.
Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?
Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.