Relationship jokes

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't know who to call daddy.

Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.