Relationship jokes
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
That shirt's very becoming on you.
If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
Who did the bee 🐝 marry?
Her honey!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
So um uh I like people who like people who like people.