Relationship Jokes

babe it's over

AFTER ALL I DONE FOR YOU WOW I CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR SISTER ANYWAY

I meant the movie...

my dad hits me :(

I used have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting. I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

Why did Karen leave me

Because I was a mushroom

one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube

What's the hardest part about sex with a thai girl?

Her, probably

why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off? they can't stand to see a man have a good time

Mia: I'm Preganant Again Paul I Can't wait for you to come home. Paul: I Got a Tree to Hit on the Way

The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy.

my sister was hitting on my boyfriend im 11 shes 9 she said go f.ck ur self so i said : "ok thanks for the idea"

Gutted rn...the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does...man...

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick: I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's 🤣

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....

I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

wife: stop telling rape jokes, its not funny. husband: who raped you this morning?

What did one cheese say to the other cheese?

"Hello, its a nice day, do you have any plans on what your going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.