Relationship jokes
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.